Battleground

In the second grade was the first time she was called ugly
They say sticks and stones can break your bones
But the words that we are called don't cripple our minds with doubt
She was moved to the back of the room
To stop getting berated by spit balls
The school halls were battlefields
She trying to dodge the words shaped like grenades
The playground was worse
She practiced running away to keep safe
Or she would stand perfectly still hoping not to be noticed
Kids can be so hurtful
She has never recovered
Despite a loving spouse who would call her a success
Despite a great job and career
She does not think she is beautiful
Just because of a birth mark that takes about half of her face
The kids use to yell
She looks like a wrong answer someone tried to erase
But couldn’t quite get the job done
She is beautiful in her way
You have to see her heart before you see her skin
But kids are so shallow
And that is why public school is always a battleground
How many of us truly survive unscathed?

Who Should Be Alone?

I write for the broken souls
Sprawled out on restroom floors
They are in the bars
The live there life there
Because it is easier to worry about the next drink
Then it is to think about the brink
These people could tell you where the sky bends
There minds are different from ours
The shape the world with there imagination
Sometimes its there worst enemy
But it is all they have
We might think it is sad
But it is life its how things work
Should they be alone?
He was a boy crafted from a different tree
It was a broken branch
He was adopted
Not because his parents wanted to let him go
He was 5 when he became two parts horror
His parents lost in a car accident
Where he was fortunate enough to live
Sometimes he wishes he hadn’t
Started therapy in grade seven
On so many pills was he ever really there
Finally snapped when a kid who could still go home to mom and dad
Had the idiocy to tell him
"Get over it"
Like this is something he could stop thinking about
The worst thing is he sits in Juvi
Trapped with his thoughts of what has happened
His mind damaged from everything he has gone through
Alone in all senses
Well the other boy sits at home with his mom and dad
Only having stitches in his head
And a brace on his arm
Who would you rather be?
Who should be alone?

Poetry

This is something I have gotten into the past few weeks. I write most them in the middle of the night, my mind is always racing so I started to put them down in this form. They are in a spoken word way so they dont always rhyme. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

The Milos Raonic Song!

The Life of an Insomniac

Tiredness some people think of this as I didn't sleep well last night cause I was up late studying or playing video games. These people don't know what really being tired is about. Being tired is not sleeping well for 4 months that is when you can say you are truly tired. That is my life for the last 6 months. I have had diagnosed insomnia for the past 6 months and that means sleeping if I am lucky 2 hours a night. I feel blessed if I get 5 hours and even that will only happen maybe once every two weeks. It is probably the most frustrating thing I have ever had to deal with it makes you want to just give up some days. You get a little burst of energy everyday mine usually comes about 3 in the afternoon and can last for about 3 hours and then you pretty much crash. You feel almost like the walking dead and you just don't compute things that people say to you. That is why school is so hard. It is hard when people say just wake up or just go to sleep at night or think I am faking the whole thing just to get out of school work but they have no idea how hard it is to get out of bed everyday. I am thankful for many teachers and people who are supportive and understanding of what I am going through. I am going to a therapist to try to maybe relive the stress that I have because maybe that is keeping me from sleeping but so far no results. I have tried so many different sleeping pills and none of them help at all. You are just exhausted all the time and by the end of each week you have absolutely nothing left. The scariest moments I have had while having insomnia is driving and I fell asleep at the wheel and went off the road luckily not hurting myself at all. The other was in the fall when I was really depressed and I actually thought about  ending it all for a little while luckily I pulled through. Life is hard to deal with at this point but I have to keep pushing through and doing the things that keep me going which are sports, family and friends. These are really the only reasons I get out of bed everyday.  

An Inspiration to Keep Going

My tennis career would always be very difficult and I would never be able to just cruise through on my talent alone. I would have to work hard at it and play as much as humanly possible to make my dream of being a professional tennis player a reality. There is now a player out there who went through the same struggles that I have and is now shooting up the tennis ranks the same way the likes of Rafael Nadal and Andy Roddick did in the past. He was born in Montenegro but moved to Canada when he was 4 so he started playing tennis in Canada and developed his whole career here. Of course I am going to be behind him in my development because he is doing this jump at 20 and my best hope is probably going to be around 23 or 24. His name is Milos Raonic and only recently Canadians are taking notice to this kid from thornhill and his amazing skill. It helps that he is 6 foot 6. It is not essential to be that tall like Andy Roddick is 6'2 and Rafael Nadal is only 6'0. Milos had many struggles through his development but managed to push through like I am trying to do. Tennis Canada ignored him through most of his teenage years meaning he had to develop on his own like I am trying to do. He finally moved to Montreal to train at the national tennis centre at the age of 18. I can’t move to Montreal but maybe at some point I could to try to speed up my development. My game is almost modeled after his obviously not as polished and precise but similar in many ways. he has a very lose and powerful serve his tops out at so far 152 miles per hour, mine is now up to at its highest 128 miles per hour and I have been told by tennis Canada coaches that I have one of the top 5 biggest serves in Ontario. So hopefully my serve can develop into what his is at some point. He plays with a lot of power of both sides with a punishing forehand and a surprisingly bog backhand.  I have been trying to develop to both of these things in my game I would say I have a very big weapon in my forehand but if someone gives me an easy backhand I will finish the point 9 times out of 10. Milos also has developed a very good transition game and goes from the baseline to the net very easily and with good footwork. He will finish the point at the net more often then not and I want to be able to do this. This is the spot I would say I am the farthest behind in because I am just starting to really work on my transition. I have started to serve and volley which works really well at my level because it puts tremendous pressure on your opponent and a lot of the players do not like to have that pressure. I watched Milos play in a tournament that I was also playing in and he won the tournament and I went out in the quarter finals and I had the privilege to watch him play and he walked through his matches not losing a set and only losing to games at most. I talked to him after I lost and he had watched the match and he said I had potential and that really keeps me going. He is as really nice guy and hopefully will be in the top 10 by the end of the year. Milos is a great Canadian tennis player and continues to get better and hopefully follow in his footsteps and maybe play along side him on a Davis cup team someday. You never know.

Basketball Season Over

It is early February and yet again at my highschool the basketball season is done. We had an ok season, better than the season before this year we won more than one game. Our team started to come together by the middle of the season. We struggled through some injuries and people quitting because they had other commintments. That was our teams biggest problem, commitment issues. Having 6 people show up is hard when you want to run a scrimage or run our plays against a defense. We had a great coach who was very hopeful and enthusiastic at the beginning of the season but even though she kept acting this way you could see that she was getting very frusturated by the end. Our team might not have the most skill but we had as much heart as any team out there and never gave up. We played several games with only 6 players and most people would want to just forfeit to the other team but not us we played as hard as we could. Our teams mainstays and key players were a steady reliable point guard, a hard working undersized gurad, a lanky and defensive minded guard who could hit threes, a big power forward who if you gave him the ball under the basket would always score and he probably could kill a kid with a pick. We also had a very tall centre with long arms and if you came to the middle you would get rejected. Then there was me a regular sized small forward who likes going to the basket, getting fouled and slefish a points i will get in to that next paragraph. Together we played well together at times but at others we got very paniced. I am proud to say i was part of this team and it was a fun season.

 It then came to our first and sadly only playoff game against a team seeded below us and that we should ahve beaten. We started out ok about even with them even though we should have been beating them. I couldnt hit anything but our gurads and post players were playing well. No excuses but i was injured and did not have my explosive step i usually have. Our big power forward had lots of free throws and didnt hit many but that was expected lol. He was getting there big men in foul trouble which helped.  Then came the second half and yes if you look at the score sheet i scored 15 points in it but i really was hurting the team. I admit i got very selfish just trying to beat my guy and ignoring my teamates when i should have passed. I put blinders on and i am sorry for this but i cant go back and change it. I though i was the only one on the team who could score and that was wrong. My teammates are probably mad at me and have every right to be i got in my own little zone and didnt look out of it at all. I promise to do better next year!! - Nathan D